...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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