we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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