Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
