I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize