Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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