You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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