Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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