A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
