Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
