we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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