i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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