The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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