so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
