weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
