I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
