either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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