Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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