i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
