i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
