I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
