you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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