White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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