And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
