Just took my morning after pill in the library
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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