I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
