He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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