Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
