When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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