he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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