i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
