I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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