dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
