She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
