what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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