Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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