i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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