my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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