just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
