Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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