I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
