Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
