No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
