Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
