I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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