If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
