I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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