At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
