Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
