I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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