I feel like abortions should bother me more
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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