My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I deserve this hangover.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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