marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
