I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
