i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
