When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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