So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
