I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
