Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
