i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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