You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
