you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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