Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i love accidental penises.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
