thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
