I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
