The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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