i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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