Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
