I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
